And now for something completely different...

I'm taking a short break from being stunned by the brazen criminality of King George to ponder the mysteries of blow-up lawn decorations.

They first appeared in my neighborhood about three or four years ago on Halloween: an eight-foot tall inflatable stack of jack-o'-lanterns lit from within. I could understand the attraction. They gave maximum impact for minimum effort.

A second neighbor countered with a six-foot Coca-Cola polar bear on Christmas.

In the following year, enormous cartoonish blow-ups started proliferating on lawns all over town in celebration of every holiday on the calendar. We had garish pink bunnies, towering Uncle Sams, scarecrows and black cats, grinning pilgrims and bulbous turkeys. One neighbor who is totally enthralled with inflatables even has a humongous Jets linebacker for game days, God help him.

This Christmas season has seen an explosion of the type: elves, snowmen, and gigantic snow globes with perpetual snow falling inside. All are made of flexible plastic, glowing softly from within, and equipped with a fan or blower to inflate the domestic dirigible with ease.

The pinnacle of the genre must be the seven-foot Holy Family, pictured above. (Hat tip to Dave Barry.) For those not so spiritually inclined, the same outfit offers the four-foot Homer Simpson Santa Claus.

If Bill O'Reilly is looking for a War on Christmas, here--in over-lifesize--are the foot soldiers of the invading army.

Now you can call me an over-intellectual, atheistic, Eastern elitist snob, but I am not trying to make fun of anyone's beliefs. Okay, I am making fun of their taste and, maybe, their iconographic style. But for someone like me who, as a non-believer, is still moved almost to tears by the magical, ethereal Italian Baroque Crèche displayed each year at the Metropolitan Museum of Art, the Hot Air Holy Family seems sacriligious in comparison.

Of course, not everyone can acquire more than 200 individual, hand-crafted figures made in 18th Century Naples to adorn their front yard. But must the holy images be glow-in-the-dark plastic? Where is the mystery? Where is the awe?

I assume all these blow-up thingies must be manufactured somewhere in the dingier factories of the Far East. As the market for blow-up dolls for lonely men is overtaken by more realistic alternatives, factory re-tooling is probably in order.

Has it occurred to anyone that as the mass of Asian workers toil over assembling these bizarre ritual objects for the American mass market, they must marvel at how we gained hegemony when we are so clearly nutty? Do they manufacture a line of blow-up Buddhas? Or perhaps they gladly sell us this stuff in full recognition that each blow-up Homer Simpson Santa Claus brings us one step closer to our downfall.

Update! Dave fears what will happen to his house if the surrounding neighbors' blow-up snow globes start exploding. It seems the inflatables are truly a national trend:

Confirming the trend, Nathan Owens, manager of the Wal-Mart in Winter Haven, says the globes, which cost about $100, sell out within days of new shipments. [...]

Critics aside, inflatables aren't a passing trend if they have already spawned collectors clubs such as www.airblownclub.com. Members of the Internet-based club discuss their favorite characters or snow globe themes and enter contests for the best displays.

Can you believe Eeyore as one of Santa's reindeer?

"The lawn figures are fantastic -- everyone tells you how nice they look," she says. "For the cost, they are good quality, and the fact that they fold back into a small package for storage is wonderful."

What more could you ask for as you contemplate the joys of seasonal decoration? Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good-night.

Later Update: Gah! I must be living a cloistered existence. Try googling "airblown" and you'll be transported to a goofy American Brigadoon:

This holiday season enjoy the magic and beauty of the bigger and better Prairie Lights holiday display extravaganza! Drive through almost 3 miles of awesome Holiday displays featuring over 700 larger than life, holiday themed, glowing Airblowns.

Set in scenic Lynn Creek Park on Joe Pool Lake in Grand Prairie [Texas], these one of a kind, lighted displays will feature all of the traditional holiday characters plus Snoopy, Mickey Mouse, Sponge Bob, NCAA mascots, and many more!

Add, hundreds of thousands of lights, and a Holiday Village where you can purchase seasonal eats and drinks, Prairie Lights Airblown World in Grand Prairie is the event where one visit will not be enough!

Make Prairie Lights Airblown World your family holiday tradition.

It just takes my breath away.

Update on the update: Prompted by Ellen's comment below, I searched for signs that inflatables are landing overseas, like latter-day Hindenburgs of global homogenization. And lo, behold! In a "Christmas Around the World" photo gallery, this pops up:

Middle East - A Palestinian woman walks next to posters of late Palestinian leader Yasser Arafat and an inflatable Santa Claus in the West Bank town of Bethlehem. For the first Christmas season in five years, Israel and the Palestinians are cooperating to boost tourism to encourage Christian pilgrims to visit the Holy Land during the holiday. (Enric Marti, AP)

The only thing that would make it better would be a blow-up Santa Claus wearing a kaffiyeh.